Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
