maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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