Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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