Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
