Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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