Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
