I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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