My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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