omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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