My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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