Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
