She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
