ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
