Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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