i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize