My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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