I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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