Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
