Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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