One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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