How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
