Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
