Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
