mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
