I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i barfeds in our rink
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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