i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
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did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
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I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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