I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have aggressive nipples.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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