she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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