Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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