You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
