He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
