so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
