Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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