So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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