Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
