ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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