Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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