I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
