I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
