proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
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but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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