It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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