bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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