Tell her she can't have a vagina
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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