Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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