Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
