I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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