Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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