he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
