giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
