Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
