I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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