I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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