ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
