Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
