You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
