He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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