yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
