I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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