i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
