I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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