if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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