I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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