I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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