so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
