Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
