Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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