two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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