Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
