New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
